Robophallus: Rise of the Cyberdickening

This one's for the dudes in the audience.  And by audience, I mean nobody, because nobody reads this blog.  Not that they should, nor will wish they had, after reading this article.

If you asked most men what body parts they would have cybernetically modified if they could, you know that getting a cybernetic penis would totally be #3, behind only bionic farts and robotic ears that can tune out women.

This came up when I googled "Robo penis".  ITSCHH FROM SCHHTAR WARSHHHH!

We're not quite to perfectly functioning Cyberdicks (TM) just yet.  Soon, however, we're gonna be seeing some rich dudes blowing their wad (of money) on robo penises.  And we (by which I mean men with insecurities of any shape or form) should be afraid.

This also came up in my search.  I see what they're getting at.  I see all too well....

It all starts innocently enough.  Billionaire's dick stops working.  Drugs do nothing, penis pumps do nothing.  Or maybe he just has a small dick.  Fuck if I know.  The point is, he goes and funds research for a Go-Go Gadget Penis.  It works swell.  

Then the cyberdick enters the market.  At first, it's very expensive and only available to the richest people on Earth, but it gives those lucky impotent bastards a second chance at the bone-zone.  But nooo, just being able to get it on again doesn't cut it anymore.  They've got to go bigger, better.  

The Cyberdick must evolve.

I love you, Internet.

If you've ever been in a sex shop, you've seen a standard dildo, and more to the point, the bizzarre permutations of the basic dildo design.  You've seen the added clitguards, the labial guidance systems, the fallopian transducers, and so on.  They make modern vibrators look less like penises, and more like some line of Seussian contraptions.

SOMEBODY'S COCK IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE THAT IN LESS THAN FIFTY YEARS!

Ok, so Dr. Seuss never published any drawings of sex toys (that I know of), but you get the idea.

Alas, my fellow bros!  What will we men of mere flesh to do, when womankind learns the delights of these new mechanical monstrosities?  Women's dating profiles will now read: "I need a man with his own place, his own car, his own money, and a robo penis is a MUST."  We plebeians may try to keep up, only to find that our second-hand (ewww) Girthbuster 2021 model is no match for the new 2025 design.

What's worse, after the most mind-bendingly contorted robo penises have been put on the market, we'll see the next step: T-1000 Cyberdicks:

Pictured: A dick dressed as a T-1000.  You don't want to know what else my search dredged up.  

In other words, my friends of the Brotherhood of the Ballsack, I do say mournfully: "We are dicked."

CYBERDICKED

Keep it Stankin'